Please don't call me Polyanna

I attended a Positive Psychology course recently so I could better work with clients and their strengths rather than focussing on problems and what isn’t going well. Without a doubt I got a lot of good ideas for my clients but the most surprising thing was the effect it had on me......

I walked out of the 2 days with a new resolve to not only help clients attend to the positive things in their lives but also to do this for myself. After all I should be living it before I suggest others do it, right? I was on a high as I drove home after the course, humming to myself and congratulating myself on this new found wisdom. I felt my new world view shaken however within minutes of walking into my lounge room. Two sick children under 4 with gastro, crying and wrestling on the floor over a $3 Golden Book. My partner, I don’t think I’m overstating it, was at his wits end. My Pollyanna resolve was further rocked after hearing a blow by blow description of the last 8 hours of projectile vomiting and bowel movements. OK, I said to myself this is a good test. I decided in that moment not to throw it all out the window (as tempting as it was) but to sit on it for a few weeks and see what evolved.

For a couple of weeks I made a conscious effort at the end of each day to try and focus on 3 things I was grateful for. Most days this was possible. I did however have a few particularly trying days. Like the day when the only thing I was grateful for was that the poodle who normally runs full bore at the dog door actually made it through the opening and safely to the outside. This was unlike the three times previous to that when she had slightly miscalculated the space and hit the wall, suffering from mild concussion.

That aside, something interesting did start to happen. I noticed a small shift in the way I attended to things. I was noticing the positive around me more. I run a couple of mornings a week and for the past two months I have run past the same man sitting eating his breakfast on the headland. I had noticed him there but never really thought about it. This was a man who wasn’t challenged by income or geography. He loved sitting, eating his breakfast looking out at the ocean. Presumably his lounge room didn’t have a water view? So he packed up his banana, muesli and milk a couple of morning a week and drove to the water where he sat and ate his breakfast.

I think the the guy with the muesli has the right idea, focusing on what you do have rather than what you don’t. I don’t want to be Pollyanna or suggest anyone else be either but have you noticed if you attend to the positive things in your life a little more they start to grow? There is a noticeable shift in your thoughts, your language and this can have a flow on affect to other parts of your life. If you’re up for it, give it a try for a couple of weeks and see what happens.

Dr Mataji Kennedy is a Clinical Psychologist in private practice on the Northern Beaches of Sydney. She specialises in helping women adjust to motherhood and in helping women with Postnatal Depression. Her book Hanging by a Thread. 12 strategies for staying sane in the first year of motherhood contains simple, easy to apply strategies for taking care of yourself as a new mum and for preventing and treating postnatal depression . It’s available for $19.95 plus postage at www.gainingmomentum.com.au.

She can be contacted on 0414 301 237 or mataji@gainingmomentum.com.au. Medicare and health fund rebates available.